


Tripping and Stumbling

by CapyWritesShit



Series: How To Be Part Of A Family: A Guide by Saccharina Rocks [1]
Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Campaign 05: A Crown of Candy, Fix-It, Gen, Not Beta Read, Pre-Canon, Religious Guilt, Saccharina Frostwhip-centric, but this is mostly focused on rina and her connections with the rocks family, there are a bunch of characters that come and go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:47:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25735276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapyWritesShit/pseuds/CapyWritesShit
Summary: Saccharina Rocks is the firstborn daughter of King Amethar of House Rocks, and now that she's at Castle Candy, nobody can deny her a family any longer.
Relationships: Saccharina Frostwhip & Rocks Family
Series: How To Be Part Of A Family: A Guide by Saccharina Rocks [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1866823
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	Tripping and Stumbling

Saccharina Ghee-Rocks is five years old when she stares out past the harbor, hoping, praying that her mother will come back, praying that her father will find her, when she sees it. Past the dock, barely even visible in the darkness of the night, sloshing in the white milk of the sea, is a ship. She watches it sail by, too far away to discern its exact image, and she thinks, not for the first time, that if only she were able to board one of those ships, she would be able to sail away from here and find her father on her own.

No more waiting, no more hoping and wishing for others to take action. She would take her life into her own hands and do as she pleased, finding her father and her mother along the way, and perhaps they could live as one happy family, no longer weighed down by the shackles of duty.

But the ship sails by. It doesn't stop, not for her, nor does it turn towards the harbor. And Saccharina, five years old, wise past her years in a way a child never should be, sighs, resting her head along the grate that covers her window, barring her escape.

* * *

Sometimes she misses the Lady in Blue she used to see within her reflection. She'll go about her day, praying to the Bulb above and doing her chores and praying to the Bulb above and helping cook dinner and praying to the Bulb above and she'll catch a glimpse of herself in a mirror as she does. She'll glance at her tiny form, her tattered clothing and her tangled hair and her dirty hands and she'll wish she couldn't see herself.

The Lady in Blue would whisper that she was perfect the way she was, her magic was a gift and not disgusting. Saccharina believed it, _believes_ it, but she cannot push down the reflexive urge to cringe when she thinks of those words. Words that burnt her from the inside out, a testament to the power of the Bulb, and she'll hear them and think of the Lady in Blue's flickering form and Saccharina will have to choke back her tears.

She misses the Lady in Blue dearly sometimes, because she wishes she could feel wanted again. She wishes the Lady in Blue would come back and smile at her, whisper to her once more that she isn't a devil, a monster, a worshiper of the Hungry One.

Saccharina looks at her reflection. Her dirty reflection, staring back at her with electric blue eyes that seem to glow with power. She wishes she saw purple eyes instead.

* * *

News spreads like wildfire when King Amethar of House Rocks weds. It spreads so fast and far that the nunnery is aware of his wedding long before they're aware of his coronation as King of Candia. The nuns _hm_ and _tsk_ and shoot her disgusted looks as the messenger relays his memorized speech. Many of the children around her muffle their giggles as they not-so-subtly point at her. Saccharina can feel their hatred, their gazes boring into her with so much disdain it would be impossible not to notice.

She cannot find it within herself to care, however, because when she is told that King Amethar of House Rocks is marrying Duchess Caramelinda of House Merengue, her ears fill with static and her eyesight goes red.

Her emotions have always been messy. She is told she's not allowed to be angry, she's not allowed to cry or whine or shout or scream or anything alike. She's told she's not allowed to smile, or laugh, or sing or jump or dance or show in any way that she is feeling anything at all. So she tries to bottle it up, but she can't, because Saccharina is five years old and that's an unfeasible thing to ask of a child.

So she's not quite sure what to feel when she thinks of her father, the man her mother loved so dearly, marrying another woman. She feels—well, she feels upset. Saccharina can't comprehend the idea of her father abandoning her mother like that, sending men to her house to threaten her and then marry another. The two men don't click, they can't form one picture because in her head the man that her mother spoke the world of and the man that left her to rot are not one in the same.

But she can't—does Duchess Caramelinda _know_ of Catherine Ghee? Is this woman stealing Saccharina's father away? Is she the one that sent those people to their house, to threaten them into silence? Is this Duchess Caramelinda so desperate for King Amethar that she would push aside two entire lives, leave them to fester and tremble and _die_ just to have him?

Or is she unaware of their existence? Does Duchess Caramelinda even know that King Amethar has a wife already? Is she holding his hands and giving him her life without the knowledge that he's already given his to another? Is this woman blissfully unaware that she's a mockery of what King Amethar already has, out in the Dairy Islands, and that she'll never truly be what he wants?

Saccharina doesn't know, doesn't care to know, because she's upset and it roils in her with far more force than she's ever felt before. She feels strongly and fully, as always, but she doesn't make any attempt at controlling herself. She knows what it will bring her, what she's imposing upon herself if she lets herself get out of hand, but she can't find it within herself to care.

King Amethar of House Rocks is a lying man, a man with two wives and a daughter, and Saccharina is made strikingly aware of exactly who he has chosen.

The nuns lock her in a separate room from the other children that night and her body aches like it never has before. She finds no relief in her anger yet still seethes as she stares out past the waves of white. Saccharina Ghee-Rocks is beginning to think King Amethar Rocks does not want her, and why would he? She's a disgrace, a devil, a monster, a child of the Hungry One.

No one would ever want her.

But she desperately, _desperately_ wants him. She wants a father. She wants a family. She wants _her_ family.

Saccharina swallows her rage and replaces it with forgiveness. She'll find him, one day, and he will learn what he is missing out on, and he'll weep for what he's lost. They will embrace and he will promise her to miss nothing more, and she'll love him with the force of everything she's ever felt, and they'll be a family.

* * *

The wind whips up her dress and tears at her hair the day she runs away. She has no personal belongings, nothing but her thoughts and her dreams, so all she has to worry about hiding is her body. The night before she had watched from her window as the ship docked, and a spark in her chest set her heart ablaze. She thinks the Lady in Blue sent her one last blessing, proof of her ever watching gaze.

It's not hard, really. The wind is harsh, and the sailors are loading up their bartered cargo, and very few of the nuns, or even the other children, are up yet. All she has to do is slip into one of the crates, slot herself between the jugs of milk and hope that whoever loads her onto the ship doesn't notice the extra weight.

The first few days at sea are easy. She assumes her crate of milk is further back in the cargo, unneeded until rations are low on their first or second crate. Part of the common punishments at the nunnery was starvation, so her body is small and thin and frail, perfect for sitting comfortably in a small box for days at a time.

The way the ship rocks on the water is soothing, like the way her mother used to rock her to sleep. At some point a nail pops out of the crate enough to poke her, and she gets uncomfortable enough to try to push it back in.

This is where things get suddenly very difficult in a very short amount of time. She hits the nail, the nail bends, and she huffs in frustration. She tries to straighten it out and push it back in, but she pulls it all the way out instead, and the corner of the crate begins to come loose as one of the nails is taken.

Saccharina panics. She tries to put the nail back in where she found it but the hole is too small and she doesn't quite know how to realign it. Steps start coming down the stairs to where she hides and she guesses that her floundering around causes enough noise for whoever just descended to stop by her crate and open it up in curiosity.

The two of them stare at each other for what feels like an eternity, before the sailor's face contorts into an emotion Saccharina is very well acquainted with. _Anger_. He reaches forward, large hand outstretched to grab her, and panic clouds her mind. In such a state, as her only defense mechanism, Saccharina chucks the nail in her hand directly at the man's eye, feeling no satisfaction when it meets its target.

The sailor cries out in pain and stumbles back just enough to allow her an opening. As swiftly as she can manage, Saccharina jumps from the crate and bolts around the partially blinded sailor, ignoring his shouting and cursing. She doesn't know where to go from here, isn't sure about really anything, but she knows that she has to get to the Cola River and she'll do virtually anything to do so.

Her only option, she finds, is to announce her presence to those aboard the ship, as her cover is blown and there's no real point in trying to hide anymore. So, without even turning to acknowledge the sailor she's leaving behind, Saccharina takes the stairs two at a time as she sprints to the deck. The sound of the ocean gets louder and louder, roaring in her ears the closer she gets to the deck, and when she breaks from the darkness into the bright day, the ocean greets her with mirth.

In stark contradiction, every head turns to look at her, eyes filled with confusion and malice and anger. She holds no fear, though, because they can take nothing more from her that has not already been stolen. Nothing, _no one_ , will ever burn her in the way the nuns did, ripping the only dredges of family she had from her fingertips like they were swatting at flies. Her mother, her father, the Lady in Blue. The nuns have taken and taken and _taken_ and these angry Dairy sailors will _never_ compare. They don't even hold a _candle_.

Saccharina meets their gazes with equal parts determination and spite. She may only be five, but she is _strong_. She has places to be, people to meet, a _life_ to _live_.

"I am Saccharina Rocks, daughter of King Amethar of House Rocks. You will sail me to the Cola River or you will regret having defied the Princess of Candia."

And as the sailors descend upon her like a flock of seagulls, she braces herself for either death or continuance, hoping the Lady in Blue can hear her prayers, even with their disconnect. Saccharina screws her eyes shut, lets her hands fill with the energy the Lady in Blue taught her to hone, and prepares herself to burst.

What actually happens is a booming voice carries across the deck, stopping everyone in their tracks. Saccharina peels open one eye, confused and wary and wanting to know why the sailors have stopped. A very short man made of cheese steps away from the front of the ship, his eyes narrowed and his lips pulled into a scowl. Saccharina is just barely taller than him, but she feels the way the sailors around her stop. This man is their captain.

The man looks her up and down with a skeptical eye, frowning deeply for a few moments as Saccharina forces herself to push back the magic in her palms. Finally, the man speaks, his accent thick and strong. "You say you're Amethar's kid, huh? Amethar married Queen Caramelinda not five weeks ago!"

Saccharina feels her gut twist, a familiar sensation. She hates the way Queen Caramelinda's name makes her feel, hates the immediate assumption of her heritage. Still, she meets the captain's gaze steadily, aware of just about every sailor watching them like caged animals. "I never said I was Queen Caramelinda's daughter."

The following three seconds are the longest of Saccharina's life, in only because she can see every emotion that flits across the captain's face and can name none of them. He mouths something to himself, but under his mustache Saccharina can't make it out. Without warning, the captain grins, toothy and wide and somewhat unhinged.

He turns to his crew, a noticeable pep in his step, and announces, "Well, you heard the girl! Get a course for Cola River! I've apparently got an old friend to see!" Then, he turns back to her, ignoring the way his crew shoots Saccharina nasty glares and vicious snarls. Instead of doing the same, the captain bows, deep and almost mocking, and offers out a hand for her to place hers in. Swiftly, he places a practiced kiss to the back of her hand, and straightens himself back up.

For the first time in her life, Saccharina feels well and truly respected, and all it took was announcing to a single believer that she is King Amethar's child. It's almost surreal, having someone kiss her hand like she's royalty. Which, she supposes, she is. Her head is swimming with how sudden it all is. But the captain does not pause to allow her time to reflect.

"You said your name was Saccharina, right?" His voice is just the right amount of scratchy and rough to be pleasant to listen to rather than painful. Saccharina nods. The captain nods back, his smile bordering on unsettling the longer she stares at it. "The name's Captain Manta Ray Jack, but you can call me Manta Ray for now."

Manta Ray turns on his heel, beckoning her to follow him as he bounds across the deck, and that day Saccharina learns what it means to trust the people that matter.

* * *

Manta Ray tells Saccharina that the Lady in Blue has a name, which is something so obvious yet so...weird. She's always just been the Lady in Blue to Saccharina, never a real woman with a name and a title. She learns anyways that her name was Princess Lazuli of House Rocks, and that she was Saccharina's aunt. Keyword: _was_. Manta Ray says that she died long ago, during the war, and that she was a very powerful alchemist.

That explains why she was so insistent on Saccharina's magic being honed.

Manta Ray also tells Saccharina that he was the one who officiated her mother and father's wedding, which is absolutely mind-boggling. Her mother and father, Catherine Ghee and Prince Amethar Rocks, were wed by a Dairy Islands ship captain with a mouth more rotten than death and enough energy to match even Saccharina's most powerful spells. Albeit Saccharina still doesn't have many spells, and they aren't all that powerful, but it still stupefies her.

During her time out on the milky ocean, Manta Ray teaches her lots of things—mostly about sailing a ship. She learns the parts of a ship, and how to steer. How to read the stars and the wind and the waves. She learns how to navigate the sea with relative ease, and the longer she sails with Manta Ray's crew, the more she finds how natural it comes. She _likes_ sailing, likes the inherent freedom it brings her.

It takes some time, but most of the crew warms up to her. Well, it doesn't exactly take time so much as it takes Saccharina using her magic to fight one of the sailors, and although she loses horribly, Manta Ray says that they thought she was badass, taking on a woman three times her size and fighting despite her disadvantage. What he doesn't say, doesn't need to say, is that they all find her magic...a rough topic.

One of the crew members, a tall sailor made of butter, takes Saccharina aside one day and explains to her with a hushed voice that magic isn't the most accepted thing outside of Candia. It isn't exactly that anyone on the ship thinks her a devil for using it, nor do any of them particularly worship the Bulb, but using non-Bulbian powers, even in a secluded manner, isn't quite safe yet. They encourage her to just...wait. Wait until they're on the Cola River and officially in Candian territory.

It feels like a slap in the face, but she complies, if only because of the promise that she will eventually be allowed to release her magic freely. It seems that, at every turn, the world just wants to continue reminding her that she's _different_ and _wrong_. But the sailor says that Candia is different, that magic is often revered there, and that until they dock in Dulcington, she needs to be patient.

And Saccharina can be patient. She's been patient for this long already, she can wait a few weeks more.

So Saccharina waits.

* * *

For some reason, it never occurs to Saccharina that announcing herself as King Amethar's daughter to a bunch of guards in front of Castle Candy is not the best idea. Manta Ray just laughs heartily when asked for confirmation from the wide-eyed yellow gummy bear man, and before she can say she doesn't need others to confirm what is true, the gummy bear man whisks the two of them inside the castle with a harried expression and no explanation to any of his fellow guards.

Now, not many things scare her anymore. The scariest thing in the world was that room, that Bulbian symbol being thrust into her chest by the unforgiving nun and her Auntie Lazuli dissipating before her eyes. Nothing scares her more than that night, nothing haunts her dreams more often than flickering pulses of pain and magic and fire and heat.

She'll still admit that, when the gummy bear man says King Amethar will be with them momentarily as he slams the door behind them, the sound reverberating through the empty room he'd pushed them into, Saccharina hides her body a tiny bit behind Manta Ray. She knows it's futile, because she's larger than him, but in some tiny part of her mind it helps. Manta Ray just tuts and claps a hand to her shoulder affectionately. It helps.

In the time between the gummy bear man leaving and King Amethar arriving (Queen Caramelinda hot on his heels), Saccharina can count twenty-five chairs all settled around a large table. It takes a moment for her to remember the very few lessons the nuns gave her, and towards the end she has to sheepishly ask Manta Ray to remind her what comes after nineteen, but she gets there.

And then the door slams open and the King and Queen of House Rocks enter. Saccharina does not startle, she's used to her privacy being suddenly interrupted, but she's still taken aback when she looks up to meet her father's gaze. It takes _one, two, three_ seconds for the tears to well up, and quietly, almost as if he's afraid he'll shatter something if he's any louder, King Amethar of House Rocks speaks.

"You have her eyes."

Saccharina will never admit it, not even years later when Manta Ray tells the story over drinks, but Saccharina weeps.

* * *

She and Caramelinda take to each other much faster than Saccharina _ever_ thought they would. Sir Toby whispers to her one day that Caramelinda always wanted a daughter, and Saccharina feels—well, conflicted, about it.

They get along very well. Caramelinda likes to teach her things about being the Queen of Candia, and Saccharina likes to tell her stories about her mother. Sometimes, when Saccharina has nightmares, she'll sneak into her father and Caramelinda's chambers and very quietly, almost as if she doesn't actually want to be heard, Caramelinda will hum her a lullaby until she's fast asleep again.

But Caramelinda is not her mother. Caramelinda will _never_ be her mother. There's no malice, no hatred, no resentment or fear or anything of the like, but Saccharina _has_ a mom. Catherine Ghee is her mom, not Caramelinda.

They talk to each other, and they practice magic together, and they spend time together, and they bond. And Saccharina thinks that, even though Caramelinda will never be her mom, maybe she can be something else. Something different but still good.

It takes a few months for a messenger to burst through the doors of Castle Candy, out of breath spouting nonsense, and eventually deliver the terrible news. Catherine Ghee has been dead for months, nearly a year, and the marriage between King Amethar and Queen Caramelinda is not null.

Which is great news! The castle heaves a collective sigh that the politics of the Concord and the Bulbian Church haven't been disrupted in any significant way.

Saccharina and her dad still mourn. Caramelinda rubs their backs and hums to them and dabs at Saccharina's eyes when she cries. Caramelinda isn't her mom, will _never_ be her mom.

But she's just as good.

* * *

Saccharina Rocks is six years old when her little sisters are born. Her dad cries so much that Sir Theobald and Lord Cruller have to pull him out of the room as to not upset his wife and the babies. Caramelinda smiles and beckons her closer, and when Saccharina peers at the tiny bundles in Caramelinda's arms, she suddenly feels such a strong tightness in her chest that she easily understands why her father was a blubbering mess.

They're beautiful. Twins. Jet and Ruby, Caramelinda tells her. Jet and Ruby Rocks, Saccharina's little sisters. They're the spitting image of their dad, just like Saccharina is, and Lord Cruller jokes that it must just be the Rocks genes. The passing line makes Saccharina feel warm, because they all look alike, they all look like their dad, and that's something she's wanted for _forever_. A family. An obvious family that takes care of each other and care about each other and love each other.

The warmth is inviting, and when she tells her dad about it later that night, he laughs and ruffles her hair and says he's glad she found them. That makes her feel warm, too. She's glad she found them, too.

* * *

Dad likes to give people nicknames. He calls Sir Theobald, Theo, and Lord Cruller, Cal. It's not uncommon for Caramelinda to address someone by their full title and minutes later for dad to call them by a nickname. Nobody says anything about it, because he's the king, and a lot of them don't want to speak up about it. Saccharina thinks it's fun, though. She wants a nickname too, but she thinks it would be rude to ask for one.

Luckily she doesn't need to. A few weeks after Jet and Ruby are born, dad takes her outside to the courtyard to watch Sir Theobald drill some of the Tart Guard. As he quietly whispers the names of some of the drills Sir Theobald runs, he slips, and Saccharina is shortened to Rina and it takes absolutely everything within her not to burst at the seams with excitement.

Still, she wants to convey how much it means to her, that he's given her an affectionate nickname like he has with everyone else, but she just can't put into words the emotions it stirs, so she doesn't even try. Saccharina sits happily with her dad, swinging her legs back and forth on the too-tall bench they're sitting on as he makes jokes at some of the Tart Guards' expenses.

They laugh and they chat and Sir Theobald shoots them a few confused looks that border on annoyed, but Saccharina thinks nothing of it because she's so overwhelmed. She's been at Castle Candy for months at this point, she's been living with dad and Caramelinda for long enough that they're finally starring to feel like a real family, and this moment fully solidifies it for her.

She never knew happiness could truly feel this good. Sir Theobald sighs as dad laughs loud enough to distract a guard, and Saccharina laughs, too, because she's Rina now and that means more than dad could ever know.

* * *

It doesn't take long after that to discover a very big thing that, in retrospect, is a lot more obvious than Saccharina realized.

Caramelinda does not get a nickname.

 _Everyone_ important gets a nickname. Cal, Theo, Manta, Rina. Caramelinda does not. Every time dad talks to her, or talks about her, or even just mentions her in passing, it's always Caramelinda. Never _Cara_ , never _Linda_ , always _Caramelinda_.

Saccharina is watching over her baby sisters, both asleep in their cradles, when she hears it. In the next room over Caramelinda and dad are arguing, and Saccharina knows she shouldn't listen in, but she's curious and she wants to be a part of things and arguments always make her a bit nervous.

Dad's voice is soft and upset and guilty and has a specific tone to it that he almost always uses when he talks to his wife. Caramelinda's voice is forcibly hushed and furious and it has a specific tone to it that she almost always uses when she talks to her husband. Saccharina glances at her sisters, stirring at the sounds of their parents voices.

She glances at the door that leads directly to their room, bypassing the hallway entirely.

All Saccharina has ever wanted was a family, people who love her and care for her and let her do the same in return. She wants to be good for her family because they've been good for her. She glances at Ruby's tiny pink face, scrunched up in displeasure.

Saccharina presses her ear to the door and eavesdrops.

They're mostly talking politics. From what she gathers, House Jawbreaker's rebellion is becoming a super big problem and dad goofing off isn't doing anyone any favors. Dad says that he's been trying to get in contact with Joren Jawbreaker but so far nothing has come back yet and Caramelinda says that writing one or two letters isn't enough to stop the budding of a war. They go back and forth, and Jet lets out the tiniest whine in her sleep, and Saccharina feels the anxiety in her stomach spike up into her lungs, making it hard to breathe.

When they finish their argument (Saccharina has no idea who won, or if anyone won, or what half of the things they said meant) Caramelinda comes into the twins' room and finds Saccharina sitting in between their cradles, rocking them gently, humming a tune her mom used to sing to her at night, to try to quell the growing knot in her chest. And as soon as they meet eyes, Caramelinda must see the tears in Saccharina's, because she sighs so heavily Saccharina is convinced she's holding the weight of Candia on her back.

Caramelinda doesn't explain, and Saccharina doesn't ask her to, but she is made intimately aware of why Caramelinda doesn't have a nickname.

* * *

The first time Saccharina tells anyone about her Auntie Lazuli appearing to her in the mirrors of the nunnery, she tells her sisters.

She's seven and Jet and Ruby are almost one. They babble a lot, can't really form words yet, but when Saccharina talks to them they smile and squeal and laugh and make delighted baby noises, so she thinks she's doing something right. Sir Toby is standing guard outside the door to the room, because Sir Theobald is off guarding dad and Sir Maillard is off guarding Caramelinda.

It feels like sharing a secret, something she's not supposed to know or tell others, so she whispers conspiratorially to her baby sisters. She waves her hands in grand gestures as she tells stories of the magic Auntie Lazuli taught her to use and hone. She plays with Jet's little stubby grey fingers and makes her giggle, pinches Ruby's little pink cheeks and gets her to blow a raspberry.

They seem to like spending time with her. She's really glad, because she never knew before they were born that she absolutely needed baby sisters. She hopes that when they're older they'll still look up at her with the same sparkle in their eyes, the same joy in their smiles and mirth in their laughs. She wants to be the best big sister ever.

So for now she tells them stories of the Lady in Blue, their Auntie Lazuli, the Alchemist of House Rocks. Saccharina thinks back to purple eyes and blue robes and glasses and a smile so soft and encouraging it's a wonder she wasn't spoiled from it. She waves her fingers, imitating the magic, and making her little sisters burst into fits of giggles. Maybe they're easy to entertain. Maybe Saccharina's just that good at being a big sister.

She talks for what feels like hours, because even if their time together was short, Saccharina has so many stories of Auntie Lazuli that she doubts she'll ever run out. If she does, she'll just have to tell them all again. And maybe she feels like she's just prattling on to nothing, talking to be heard rather than understood, but it stills gives her time to sit and think and process everything she's gone through, everything she remembers.

Deeply, very very deeply, she misses her Auntie Lazuli. Nobody at Castle Candy ever calls her a witch, or a heretic or a monster or a child of the Hungry One, but the way they encourage her—it's not the same. The way Auntie Lazuli rebuked it—with so much conviction and sternness, like she wasn't just speaking the truth, but was appalled that anyone would think otherwise—had felt so good. It gave Saccharina the drive to continue studying magic even after their connection severed.

Only when something drops to the floor and _shatters_ does Saccharina stop talking. She whips around, holding a single arm out in front of Jet and Ruby in case someone came to hurt them, but pauses. The only people at the door are dad and Sir Theobald, both slack jawed and wide eyed. On the ground are the scattered remains of what might've been a glass figure, but nobody in the room pays it much attention.

Both Ruby and Jet start crying in earnest as soon as they register the hostile feel of the room paired with the sound of glass breaking. Saccharina feels her entire body shake _once, twice_ , and then stops. She is stronger than this.

If they want to put her away because of her magic, so be it, but she'll fight to the death before she goes willingly. _Nothing is scarier than the nuns, burning her chest and destroying her connection with Auntie Lazuli. Nothing is scarier than dark rooms with flickering fireplaces and being tied to a chair and having scripture thrown in your face like it means anything. Nothing, nothing, nothing is scarier than losing Auntie Lazuli_.

She still trembles a little when Sir Theobald steps forward.

But they don't lock her up. They just—cry. Both Sir Theobald and dad cry, even as they try to calm down Jet and Ruby, and that night Saccharina learns a lot about her Auntie Lazuli.

It only makes her miss her more.

She wishes Auntie Lazuli was still here.

* * *

Lord Cruller is funny, Saccharina thinks. He always knows what to say, who to poke fun at and when the timing is perfect, to make her burst a lung laughing. He's gotten her in trouble with Caramelinda on a number of separate occasions, but each time, he apologizes and takes full responsibility for causing her outburst. That's what makes him fun to be around, he doesn't make her take the fall all the time. He owns up to being the source of her laughter, and continues to make her laugh even after they've been scolded.

When dad gives Saccharina her first sword (a chocolate wood one, nonlethal and mostly safe) Lord Cruller and Sir Theobald are the only two people he'll let her practice with, besides him. Most of the time, Sir Theobald is too busy and way against teaching sword fighting to an eight year old.

On the other hand, Lord Cruller is far more suggestible. He'll always cave when she gives him her puppy eyes, and they'll spend an hour or two going through forms and drills and basic moves until Saccharina thinks she's going to pass out. Still, he'll help her up every time and give her a glass of cola and she'll smile real wide as he starts to put away their weapons.

Saccharina likes Lord Cruller. He's funny and nice to her and he's really good friends with dad and Caramelinda likes him a lot and everyone in the castle answers to him after the king and queen. He won't do anything directly against dad's orders, but he will slip Saccharina dessert after dinner even when he knows that he'll be scolded by Caramelinda if he's caught. He helps watch over Jet and Ruby, and he let Saccharina shoddily teach him how to change a diaper (she made him promise not to tell Caramelinda and dad that she's still super bad at it, even after practicing).

Sometimes she'll catch him making weird faces at dad or Sir Theobald, or he'll say something that's a little weird in the back of her mind when she thinks about it hours later, but it all chalks up to having to work 24/7 directly under the royal family. She thinks it must be tiring, having to answer to dad and Caramelinda all day after they contradict each other at every turn, and she knows she doesn't always help. It's still a bit weird.

But everyone directly under the royal family is weird, she supposes. Sir Theobald is weird when it comes to protecting and serving and keeping her safe. Chancellor Lapin is weird about her lessons and the castle and its staff in general. Sir Toby is weird about Sir Maillard and Sir Maillard is weird about Caramelinda and Caramelinda is weird about Lord Cruller. She thinks that a lot of them don't like each other, but they can't just _say_ they don't like each other, so they pretend they don't.

It doesn't sound fun, but what does Saccharina know? She's not used to all the royal stuff, even after two years. She's more used to the Dairy Islands than she is Candia.

So Saccharina pretends, too. Pretends she likes people she doesn't. Pretends she doesn't notice Lord Cruller's weird looks and Chancellor Lapin's weird comments and Sir Theobald's weird actions. She's good at pretending.

* * *

When Ruby and Jet are three, Saccharina teaches them how to sneak around the castle. Of course, they're all bad at it, and they get caught by Sir Maillard multiple times, and Sir Toby is practically stuck to then like glue, but the twins are having fun and that's all that matters to Saccharina.

At some point, Chancellor Lapin catches them hiding behind a blackboard in his classroom, and his sigh is funny enough that all three girls burst into laughter. He shoos them away and nearly slams the door behind them, and Saccharina can hear him muttering about this not being worth a wish, but she thinks nothing of it as she herds her little sisters towards the dining hall.

On their way, they pass by a conference room with the door slightly ajar, and Saccharina finds this the perfect opportunity. She hushes Ruby's giggles and pulls Jet back from nearly walking into the room, and they sit outside the door, and they listen the giggle very quietly.

Dad and Sir Theobald are in the room with Caramelinda and Sir Maillard, and Saccharina thinks she hears Lord Cruller. They're all talking in harsh grating voices and their words are cruel and Saccharina suddenly realizes she probably shouldn't be letting her three year old sisters hear this conversation, so she ushers them along before something bad happens.

Jet and Ruby follow her willingly, and she has a passing thought that they look like baby ducklings, before she's pushing open the door to the dining hall and collecting snacks to hide in the twins' rooms for later that night.

They sneak around a bit more, and then return to their rooms for bed. Much later, when the lanterns have been blown out and the night guards are making their rounds, Saccharina slips out of her room and makes her way down the hall, to where she knows her little sisters are waiting for her.

The three of them spend the night telling each other scary stories and eating snacks and playing games and laughing and smiling. When Saccharina wakes up the next day in a cuddle pile, she feels a warmth in her chest so hot and so bright that it threatens to melt her ice cream soul.

She likes it, and so she cuddles further into the pile and sleeps in.

* * *

Her body is stiff and her head is muddled. The castle alarms around going off in her ears, practically pushing her thoughts away and drowning out her poor mind. She knows that, realistically, she's probably hot, but she feels freezing cold, down to the bone, like someone poured iced cola on her head. Fear grips at her in a way it hasn't in years, not since Auntie Lazuli's final grasp on her was destroyed.

It takes less than a full minute after Saccharina is awoken by the alarms for Sir Theobald to break down her door and scoop her up in his arms, holding her to his chest so tightly that it's suffocating. She wants to be put down, but she can't think straight, and she's not sure she'll be able to walk on her own yet. People are shouting around her, Sir Theobald is twisting and turning through the halls of the castle and at one point he even takes a secret passageway.

Saccharina tries to gain more consciousness as she shoves her face far into Sir Theobald's armor. She'd been sleeping moments before, dreaming of the trip dad promised she'd be able to go on with Manta Ray for her eleventh Saint's Day, and now she's being carried around like a sack of jelly beans because the alarms are sounding and they're all in danger.

Something flickers in her mind for a moment, _are dad and Caramelinda okay, where's Lord Cruller, what about Chancellor Lapin and Sir Toby and Sir Maillard_ , before everything screeches to a halt as her mind flashes to Jet and Ruby.

Much less sluggish than moments before, Saccharina reaches up and pats Sir Theobald's face, hoping to get his attention. All she gets is an annoyed grunt as they turn a sharp corner and jostle as they run into some Tart Guard. She questions him over the din of her mind whether or not he knows if Ruby and Jet are okay, if they're safe.

Sir Theobald does not answer her. Saccharina can physically feel her heart drop.

It figures, honestly, that she would lose her little sisters so early in their lives. They aren't even ten, haven't even hit double digits, and they've already been ripped from her hands like she never deserved them in the first place. Maybe she didn't. Maybe she doesn't deserve a family, because it seems they only ever get taken from her all too soon.

She lost Auntie Lazuli, lost her mother _twice_ , and now she's losing her two baby sisters. Family doesn't stick around with her, she doesn't deserve it.

Maybe Sir Theobald knows this, and that's why he's taking such a weird route through Castle Candy. Maybe he's going to drop her off in the darkness of the woods outside and leave her to rot, because he's seen what her presence can bring. They don't need a bad luck charm like her around, it's not worth the heartache it'll bring.

But then she's being dropped into a seat next to dad and his face is stony but not angry, not at her, and the stone chips away to reveal love and relief when he looks down at her. Saccharina doesn't know what to do in the moment, too caught up in herself, but when dad hugs her and holds her body close to his all she can do it return the hug.

The sound of Ruby and Jet complaining and crying after being woken up just to their right gives Saccharina a peace she didn't know existed. Caramelinda pops into view, holding Jet and Ruby close to her and hushing them with soothing words and humming a tune Saccharina barely recognizes, and it's like the weight of the world has been lifted from her chest, allowing her to breathe once more.

Dad brings Caramelinda and the twins into the hug, and Saccharina holds back tears, because despite the scare everyone is safe and they're here with her and they love her. They love her because they're her family and they're _safe_.

Sir Theobald and Sir Maillard are standing at the door, weapons drawn and shields raised. Saccharina doesn't know where they are, wasn't even aware there was such a small panic room in the castle for the royal family, but now that she's here and the alarms are a little quieter and her dad is rubbing her back with his giant hand and Caramelinda is humming in her ear and her sisters are starting to doze off again, she feels the anxiety that had coiled in her stomach dissipate, just a bit.

She's at peace, even amongst the panic, because she has a family. _Her_ family. _Her family_.

Saccharina Rocks is ten years old, almost eleven, and she has a family. And it feels _great_.

**Author's Note:**

> i had a lot of feelings about acoc and wanted to post this before the finale (just barely made it!) because i can't help but want characters to be happy so i wanted to write something where saccharina found amethar really early and grew up happily with her family :)
> 
> comments and kudos are always appreciated, thank you so much for reading!!
> 
> [tumblr](https://theswirlersisterscircus.tumblr.com)


End file.
